Posted in Blogging with A Purpose, Books to Read, Life, Lifestyle

I say if I’m…

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I’ve been watching a lot of different shows that have strong-female leads, seeing a lot of photos about Madeline Stuart, watching my Facebook feed filled with authors and people pushing through college, and recently started listening to Amy Schumer’s book (The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo) and every time I see how awesome they are doing and how they are making it, I always think it looks so easy. I always want that to be me. As Amy mentions in the book, I want to make “new money” because I want to know that I can give to my friends, family, and whoever the f*** I wanna. I want the freedom to know that I can give and we’ll be fine.

What I don’t give them credit for is the long hours that had to come for their success. Sure, I see a friend or two that have written books or I’ve been listening to Amy’s book and thinking, “Man, I could open up and just put it all out there and see where it goes.” But, do I really wanna tell the world about some of those areas. No, not really. If I put a book out there, I’d probably have to talk to half a dozen people saying, “I want to share this, but I don’t want to offend you.”

I would love to write a book and have it published, just for s**ts and giggles. I tried writing half a dozen of them when I was 16 years old and talked myself out of it when my younger sister got a lot of recognition for her writing. I have never been one to try and compete or try to outshine anyone.

I hate conflict, so I often push back what I want to do or be and then just try to measure up to someone else. Well, I say, “F*** that!” After moving two states to be close to family and having my family move away 2.5 years after (we shared a house for one year and only saw them 3-6 times the 1.5 years we didn’t live together, only increase when my mom moved here), I finally realized that I am done living life for someone else.

If I wanna do something, I am gonna do it. I wanted to be a counselor–nope, I am too emotional for that and I know it. So, I figured I could be a masseuse–nah, I am not good with invading people’s space. So, I am going to school to be an occupational therapist–yeah, I am going to help people, probably invade their space, but it’s to help them, lol.

After 1 Week, I was ready to quit. I was in tears and feeling like I was trying to measure up to other people. That I had to have this stupid degree because so-and-so has that degree, that I had to go to school because I want to be like so-and-so…

I signed up for classes for me, because I wanted to work toward giving my family a better life, so that’s what I am working on. Is this what I’ll end up doing for the rest of my life, who knows?!

But, I am done telling myself that I can’t because I am not as good as so-and-so or because it didn’t turn out like so-and-so. I am going to do what I need to do for me and my family and what I want to do.

No, I don’t think that I’ll be the next Picasso or well-known modern day artist, no idea who is one know a days. I am pretty sure I won’t be Amy Schumer, though I love her outlook on life. And I won’t be J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, Nora Roberts, or James Patterson. But, I definitely want to make a good life for my family and be able to give back to people–friends, family, and my community.

How will I do this, only God knows.🙂 I am still as clueless as I appear. I am sure there’s a better metaphor or simile out there for that, but it’s bedtime here, I’ve been up since dawn and I am about to go work job #2 in an 1.5 hours, only to get home 3 hours before I should be awake.🙂

What I am trying to get across here is–if you want to be like someone that you admire, go for it, try it out! Don’t let the little voice in the back of your head stop you. Try it out and if it’s not what you thought or how you thought it would go, then move on to something else. Write everything down, otherwise you’ll forget your ideas.🙂 Get going!

What’s on your list?

Posted in Blogging with A Purpose, Family, Lesson Learned, Life, Lifestyle, Medical

Confession Time

Depression is something that I’ve struggle with since I was a kid and with PCOS, it makes it more likely that I will be depressed.card_01

It came back swinging this last week and I got about mid-way point from rock bottom and could feel the self-hatred inside my head. It’s hard fighting with yourself when you have three little high energy kiddos who just want love and attention.

Yesterday I had enough and splurged on almost a years worth of high dosage Vitamin D pills and some Vitamin B pills for extra energy.

This morning I feel better, but I know they haven’t kicked in yet. Yesterday night I found three random skin bumps and was determined that they had to be stress hives, because the only other time I get them is when I shave with a crappy razor or use a bad kind of soap–which I’ve done neither.

Tightness in my chest this morning let’s me know that there’s still some stress inside that has yet to be relieved. But, with some exercise, medication and throwing myself back into my Bible Study (and lots of time with the kiddos and Ryan), I know I’ll be okay.

imagesIt’s been a couple of rough months and it all kind of hit this last week. So much stuff and a lot of it, no one will now, because it’s not mine to share.

But, this is mine–and it’s reality of life. Depression sucks. It can hit anyone at any time. Whether it piles on slowly or all at once.

I can’t determine if it’s from the last couple of months or because my subconscious (cause my brain is still in May) knows that it’ll be my little sister’s birthday this next week–and that means another one without her.

Whatever it is, I am thankful that I have my little troop of men to help me fight through it.

We’ll defeat it with vitamin D, laughter, hugs, time together–and enjoying that school is almost out, which means less chaotic mornings and more cuddles with cartoons. 🙂

These next few weeks won’t be easy, waiting for the pills to kick in, but I know it’ll be worth it.

Depressed-Woman

Posted in Blogging with A Purpose, Decisions, Faith, Life, Lifestyle

Re: Facebook not Fakebook

This is a status that I put on Facebook on Sunday and I am choosing to share it with all of you here, because, well, you see a very real side of me too.

I won’t lie and say life is always good and I won’t only give you the glum stories.

If I have something to say, I’ll put it out there and you can take it or leave it, so here it is… Continue reading “Re: Facebook not Fakebook”

Posted in Food, Home, Life, Lifestyle, Work

Tuesday–Coffee Relapse

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I went for a healthier breakfast today–usually I eat a bunch of quesdillas, but since I started entering my food in an app yesterday, I went over on calories and I didn’t want the strawberries to go bad. I had a turkey stick, because I’ve been told to up my protein levels in the morning.

I haven’t had coffee in a very long time, but I tried it this morning. About 1:30pm, this is how it was going, I made it with probably half of the amount of cream I would

normally use–again the calorie thing… Continue reading “Tuesday–Coffee Relapse”

Posted in Decisions, Facebook, Lesson Learned, Life, Lifestyle, Mid-night Mishaps, Morning Mishaps, Opinion, Parenting, Past

I am the Mom They DIDN’T warn you about.

I wrote a really long post yesterday and ended up trashing it becausa6936164ac15aabd951acd5bc29a36e8-300x210e I couldn’t get the words right. And I am not sure I will this time either. But, I am gonna put this out there any way.

So, here it is… we all have those people on Facebook who tell us what a great parent we are, but do they truly know? They are hundreds, if not thousands of miles away and judge us by what appears on Facebook. Continue reading “I am the Mom They DIDN’T warn you about.”

Posted in 2015, Dave Ramsey, Debt Journey

Recap: Jan-Mar

Z is “napping” at 7:30 at night, so I wanted to do a quick recap of the last three months before I start blogging about our Dave Ramsey journey.

I love watching YouTube channels and one of the most recent channels I found is actually why I have decided to start blogging about it.

So, here goes how the journey started, etc.

Just before January, a childhood friend added me to a couple different groups. She added me to the first one called “No Spend Challenge” (via Facebook) and a handful of other Dave Ramsey groups and we hit the ground running. I had gotten laid off from a being a gymnastic coach after working 4 days in a month–with family up here and all the kiddos sick, it just didn’t work out. But, that wasn’t going to hold us back or anything, as it was all extra income.

We started January with the No Spend Challenge and cut out as many unnecessary things as possible. It wasn’t a perfect month, but we saved over $700 and was able to get our $1,000 for Baby Step #1 of Dave Ramsey’s financial plan in place.

February rolled around and we took a family trip back to our my “hometown” and we spend some time up there, so we didn’t do a No Spend Challenge month, but we were definitely very aware of how much money we blew and it was kind of hard. But, we came home and in March, we used some of that money to finish paying to file adoption papers for Mr to adopt L.

As I mentioned before, last month, we ended up having to hospitalize A for a week (it was horrible!). We went in for a doctor’s appointment Monday because we thought he might have pink eye and his O2 levels were super low (84%). He and I were rushed down to the ER where I had to use a phone to get the keys back to Mr, as we were transported to a Children’s Hospital and were stuck there until Friday afternoon.

We left with A feeling a lot better, but L, Z & I had ear infections–Z had a double (poor kiddo). But, let me tell ya, that whole situation would’ve been a lot worse without the Children’s Hospital and our EF (emergency fund). We were able to focus completely on each other and A. We didn’t have to worry about coming home to cook all kinds of different meals, we just grabbed what was close and ate down there. We were also able to have Mr down there for the whole time (which was a HUGE relief for me) and covered his missed time with the EF.

This last month we raided our savings accounts and our most recent paycheck and got our EF back up. We even got to put a little more towards our current snowball debt (which is awesome!).

We are actually doing pretty well this month, but we’re waiting for the medical bills to come in the mail to find out what we owe.

We also found out about a possible student loan that we skipped over (just forgot about), but we have paid off over $7,300 so far this year. Our goal is to pay off at least $10,000 by the end of the year (we have been averaging about $300-500 a month), which shouldn’t be a problem. But, we’ll see how things are looking at the end of the month (medical bills should be here by then).