I watched all the videos in the group, after listening to the Chapter, so it gave me a lot of “beliefs I hold to be true”–most of these come from childhood. It sucks, but they do.
Chapter one starts off explaining that we have a conscious mind and a subconscious mind; we’re born with a subconscious mind, and our conscious mind isn’t developed until we hit puberty. The conscious mind is always functioning as long as we’re up for it stops while we are asleep; it also is where we process all of our information. Sincero described the subconscious as the blue print of our lives and are instincts learned from and taught to our parents as well. The subconscious is basically made up of beliefs developed as children, and is really the driving force behind our emotions and decisions. We may feel that our conscious is making logic and reasoning of things, but our subconscious is really calling the shots.
So, below are my conscious mind, subconscious mind, and reality with certain areas. If you know me or you are my family, I am sure one of these will piss you off and I am sorry, but it’s how my childhood shaped me and I am learning from it, so I can push through all this and be the me I want to be and need to be for my family. So, here it goes.
CM-I want to be healthy, fit, look good, be sexy, etc.
SM-I was never the “right” size for anyone in my first 20 years of life–now I’ve got saggy boobs and a belly, so why should it work now.
R-Unhappy with body, putting off exercising, and fighting with eating disorder habits every day–sometimes not even intentionally.
I want to be comfortable as me. I’ve always wanted to wear a bikini, my sisters did growing up and they rocked it, but I haven’t had the chance. I went from being “too skinny” (size 0) at age 9-10 to being “fat” (size 15) age 14-15. I watched my sisters lose their virginity and when I ended up 3-4 years older than them and still a virgin–I felt like I was disgusting and too fat for anyone to love. So, I slept around… Working towards a healthy sex life with my husband (TMI-sorry). 🙂 I want to be comfortable with myself–which goes along with another one further down.
CM-I want to make enough money to help take care of my family
SM-You will never make enough–you can’t make what everyone else is and you never will
R-Working at jobs that pay crap wages and feeling like that’s all I am good for.
Growing up, it was you had to have a job, worked since I was 12-13 (babysitting first). Then it worked towards, your personal worth is based on the size of your paycheck. I am still struggling with this one, but my husband has been so amazing about just helping me find a job that makes me happy. I want to find a job I love, making what I need to to support my family–“making what I am worth”.
I am making progress on this one, as I told my day job that I was done this Friday (gave them my 2 week notice last month) or they could give me the pay raise I should’ve gotten when I hit my 90 days. They’re still trying to find my replacement and having no luck. I am happy to report, I got a $1.00 raise until I am done there.
CM-I want to feel like I make a difference, have friends and family around like those TV shows show
SM-You’re not good enough and you never will be–if your family makes you feel like you’re not good enough, why would you find people you like you and want to hang out and do the TV style BBQ’s, football parties, etc.
R-Feeling like a burden to people when I want to hang out and just have a small social life, drinks and a silly game at my house with the boys playing in their room–I love it, but feel like a burden when I want to hang out.
Even to this day, I don’t feel that I matter. I moved states several times and had many people who seemed to disappear, stupid Facebook makes it seem like you’re all alone. My family has always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or didn’t matter. From school, getting A’s and B’s vs a sister who got C’s D’s and she got praise for her grades, but I was always told I could do better. Nothing was ever good enough. So, college scares me–I am scared to fail that I won’t be good enough, that I’ll make the wrong choice–I start classes this next Monday. I want to do school for me–find something that I can use to help people.
Debt ties into my family–we have a lot of it. I married into debt and when getting pregnant young, I was never though anything about money, being responsible with it, or how to live frugally. I watched my mom, but when my parents split, I wasn’t taught how to cook or make things from scratch. We got in a wreck 1 week after our wedding, had to buy a new car and it just went downhill from that. Because we have 3 kids and a lot of debt–we don’t get invited to stuff. My family plans trips to New York and other places and 90% of the time, I got even get a phone call, it’s a little “Are we still going to…, (insert name)?” Lots of raw spots from my family right now. Working through it. I want to not care what they think about me so much and know my worth.
At my current jobs, I feel like my inexperience and the fact that I am a girl has me looking like I am weak and incapable. I want to get stronger–not vein popping out of arms strong, but be and look tough. I want to show the world that the Fight Like A Girl is a thing.
My heart bleeds for people easily and I am often told it’s a weakness. I want to find where it can benefit other people–and prove to people that it’s a good thing.
Here’s the big one… I want to be a better mom. A good part of the time, I hate how I am as a mom. I yell and get frustrated. My husband and kids game on computers and it was a raw spot for the first 2 years of my marriage, so some days I tell my kids that the computers are stupid or I’ll throw them away when they sassy me or don’t listen.
I am horrible about taking them out to go do stuff–which I’ve been working on, but it’s not always easy.
I don’t ever remember my mom yelling, she always had us eat everything (which makes me don’t want to force my kids to)… She was so close to the perfect mom that I feel like I’ll never measure up, so why bother.
I hate me as a mom–but, I am working on it. I want my kids to know that they are loved and people be able to enjoy their company–and them not be a-holes to other people.
Way longer than I meant to make it–but, here’s my open and honest answers.
If you have questions, comments, concerns, leave them below.🙂 I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
If you haven’t read the book yet, I highly recommend getting it. Whether it’s through Amazon Audible (we’re doing the No Spend Challenge, so I am using the FREE trial and spending $0 on it) or at my friend’s Amazon Store or Target.