Flood Goes Up

Here’s to life. A life of little wonders. A life that I never thought I would be living. I have a kid the same year I become a legal adult. I haven’t graduated high school yet, but I will this year… I am a single, teenage mom, and I never thought I would be here. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my life, but ya know, I miss some things. But, I’m looking for the little wonders.

He put himself to sleep today. All by himself. It was awesome. I am looking forward to more days like this. However, I know it’s not gonna happen as often as I would like.

You still haven’t gotten back to me and I thinking you won’t by the time I come up… Do I care? No, not really because it means that I don’t have to try so hard for you to see him. I still need to try, for his sake. But, if you don’t do your part, then I won’t know if I need to schedule time for you to see him or if I can just keep the days where they are filled with everything else. I am thinking about the days that I’ll be up there & I think about how much I have to decide to do when & you don’t make it any easier… I hope that you know that.

Here’s to a life of trials. Of those hard times when you don’t think you can take it any more. You clinch your teeth so you won’t do something stupid or hurt anyone. You hit pillows and leave screaming babies. Here’s to doing it all on your own. To being nagged and trying to figure out what to do next.

I would never have guessed that I would be a single parent. Let alone, that it would be so hard. I am not totally sure how I am gonna be as a parent. But, I’m gonna try hard to make everything work out because I want Landon to have a great life! I am not sure how this is gonna work out, but I hope it’ll be great.

Single… I never would have thought that I would be a single parent. I am not sure how I got here. Well, I am sure we all know. Choose the first guy who would go out with me, because I didn’t think I could get anyone else. Hurray for self-esteem. I wish that I had been a little smarter with my choices, but I am not gonna lie, I love my baby boy. I can’t imagine life without him. I honestly don’t think I would have lasted this long without him… It’s ridiculous to think that I am putting some much of my living life or not in his hands. I think that I really shouldn’t do that to him just in case I screw up and make him hate me and then he goes with his dad… I am not sure I could handle him wanting to live with his dad, or liking his dad’s girlfriend or wife someday. Is it mean to not want him to? I don’t know.

Why is it that girls are sluts and guys are studs or whatever after sex? Why is it that guys get another girl in a matter of minutes, while girls are pregnant and without someone to tell them they are amazing and other things that are nice to hear when you are dealing with that type of situation? I don’t understand it. I really don’t.

I am sick of seeing stupid television shows that have to do with romance. AH! I hate it. Everyone I know is dating someone. Sure I may know you and maybe you aren’t. But, I am talking about those I talk to a lot. Those who are right there. My sisters have always had boyfriends, not saying that necessarily a good thing. But, seriously, my friends and sisters have always dated someone and those who haven’t… They have someone know. Don’t tell me you know how I feel, because you don’t. I don’t wanna hear it. I just want something in life to show up know. I want someone I know who is single and has kids or whatever, I want someone who is like me to talk to. I don’t have anyone who understands.

Thanks for reading my venting. & I am sorry if I offended you, but I needed to get this out. Until next time my friends.

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