Well this year was my first year without my whole immediate family all together. It was quite different! However, it was also my first year with my new family and Ryan’s and my new baby boy! ❤

I am still very sad that we haven't been able to see his son recently. I would really love to meet his son and have his son meet his brothers. As the end of the year approaches I realized it has gone so fast!! Ryan and I have almost been together for a whole year!

This year has been full of ups and downs but, I couldn't have married a better man. Sure, like any marriage, we struggle but, no matter what we love each other and are not going to let it get to the point where we fall apart!

I've been having a hard time recently knowing if I should go back to work or if I should stay home with the boys. With all the hospital visits, the accident at the beginning of the year, doctors visits, trips, school, and so many unexpected expenses, I almost feel like it would be best if I went back for a whole. Just so we can get caught up and save some money. I can't when we get behind on bills!! Especially because so many are in my name… Sigh. I also told work I would go back and have the opportunity to receive a possibility of a promotion after my return. I feel like it would really help us! However, I also know that our boys need us so, I wonder if I should work nights or almost the opposite of what Ryan does. But, then comes into the fact that I know we wouldn't see each other very often. Our schedules would be CRAZY!!!! And more than likely we would both be very tired and short tempered during the week… And definitely worn out. I also question if we would be able to handle both the boys easily. They would hardly see Daddy and Mommy at the same time but, I question if it is what is best so that we can give them a good life and all that I wish we could.

So much bounces around in my head and by the time Ryan gets home I am just so worn out and want a few minutes to myself. I think I need to start moving Landon's nap time up so that he gets a nap and I am able rest before Ryan gets home. I also have to factor in the house work and working from home right now. And if I go back to work it will make for a fuller schedule especially with us both going to school and having different interests and places where we invest a good portion of our time.

Moms tend to get to handle screaming babies while dads watch football, other television shows, game on the computer and such. So, by the time the time comes for them to spend alone time, there is no time left, one or the other is usually exhausted, they might be fighting, or their time just floats away without a single thought about it from either of them.

Well, Christmas, this day, in fact, this year have kicked my rear! I am now having so many thoughts race through my head but, my eyes are having a hard time staying open. So, it is with this my friends that I bid a good night.

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