Different Attitude

Tonight as I look back on this weekend and the attitude I have had, I have to shake my head in dismay. I can’t believe that way I have managed to act this weekend. I don’t know what I have been thinking. I honestly don’t! Friday, I was excited for the weekend and I made it the whole weekend without blogging or getting on Facebook. I texted two different people and talked on the phone with those two same people. I am very proud of myself for that. However, I couldn’t wait for Sunday night/Monday morning to come so that I could complain about how terrible my weekend was and how this went wrong and how my husband and I did ended up falling apart here and fighting, etc. But, instead, I shake my head at myself and want to give myself one of those good “swats” on the bum that my parents used to give me as a child. Just a quick kick in the rear of my pants maybe. I can’t believe myself!

My husband is amazing! So why is it so much easier to hold on to the negative and react to that instead of looking at all the good he does and praising him for that?! What is so wrong with me that I must be such a negative — I don’t even know what, just so negative! It’s ridiculous I tell you! Honestly, I ask you, when is the last time that you thanked your spouse for something they did? If it’s been a while, write a letter to them. Or I have another exercise that I want you to do, keep a list of everything they do in a day, for you, whether you ask them to or not. Don’t switch this up and keep a negative list, if you do, BURN IT! Don’t keep it around to taunt them with it or anything.

You see, I was hit right in the gut Thursday evening while talking to our pastor for our marriage counseling session that I figured would fix all our marital problems that I blamed on my husband. Boy, was I wrong! My husband mentioned something there that hasn’t let my mind once since our session —

“…she keeps track of everything I do wrong and then … this day you did this and this day this, etc…”

It hit me so hard right in the gut. I had to keep from crying. Not only was the love of my life telling everything that I had been complaining about so much (ladies, this means he was listening to me when I thought for so long that he wasn’t) but, I felt like he was “belittling” me. Note to all you ladies out there::: He wasn’t!!! He was telling our pastor what bothered him so that we could grow. Yes, it took me until this evening to realize that I am sure I do that. I am trying so hard to let things go and shake them off.

I want to have a different attitude!!

I had to write a thesis statement for my college final–my first final essay is going to be in 2 weeks! (I am so nervous!) And I was panicking because I had 30 minutes to write it and get x, y, and z done but, I am so extremely exhausted that half of the words I am typing even know are coming out effortlessly or misspelled. My husband is raiding (which is okay) and although, I distracted him and someone ended up dying in the game because of me–he helped me figure out what to do to make my thesis statement catchy. It took a lot of thinking but, we did it. So, of course, now I am able to say my husband is the best, etc. but, why can’t I say that all the time. I think it even when he frustrates me and makes me really mad but, I have to say that every time I write a blog about how he isn’t the greatest or about how he does this and it frustrates me… Sigh. What I am trying to get out is this… Guys are all about respect! Respect is what they want and when we, ladies, complain about them all over Facebook in our “mommy groups” or to our girlfriends or families, they feel like we don’t respect them. If you need to, take a few minutes to calm down. Write an angry letter about how you are feeling and then throw it away and rewrite it after all the emotion is out and talk to them when you are calm. But, ladies, make sure to work it out between you and your spouse. As my husband said, he hates to think that my best friend knows more about our marriage than he does.

Just a few things I have learned this week and need to change… Anyone willing to try with me?

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