Lazy Day

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Our little Z watching the Broncos game with me.

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How I spent half the day–the other half, I had the orange hat my mom made me over my crazy hair.

Well, today I started reading some more of Fit To Be Tied–now, call me crazy but, my hubby & I had a little bit of a disagreement earlier today and all I can think now so that–“Wow, Satan is really wanted to try and do some damage.” It always seems like the more I do to ensure we have a strong marriage, the more little things seem to come up.

Now, I will admit I was crabby because I am tired, sore, things I wanted to get done aren’t done, etc. So, none of this helped at all.

But, on to what I was realizing today–

1) Many times, I have put my husband and other things as the center of my life, instead of allowing God to bless my life and strengthen my relationship with my husband. I have always done this or that or even our kids as the center of our lives but, never really thought of putting God there.

2) I was engaged to 2 different people before God blessed me with my husband in my life. Now, the first person was because that was the first person to a) take interest in me b) tell me I was beautiful. But, it was long distance. There was a lot of lying, a lot of broken promises, a lack of trust, etc. It was just a bad relationship–don’t get me wrong, it was one that needed to happen to allow me to grow. But, it wasn’t the right one. It allowed me a good friend for a while & will always be thankful for that but, I can’t imagine what things would be like if I had gone a different route. The second… Well, as the book mentioned, it was pressure. See, as a teen, you see all your friends in relationships, getting ready to be married, etc. & you panic–ask yourself–

What the eff is wrong with me? Who is next? Why not me? Last girl loses, I don’t want to be a loser.

I caved to that pressure. I wanted out of my house (I thought my family hated me for the accident in which my baby sister was killed). I wanted someone’s family to love me. And after being rejected by many people, I was on the verge of, I’ll take whatever I can get-plus, I wanted someone who wouldn’t let my baby sister’s memory die. But, boy, was I wrong about that one too.

Part of the pressure came from Hallmark films. Other came from people assuming L needed a “dad” & not just a good role model.

It was not until I was completely okay with being single, being me, & having my son as the only man in my life, that I met my husband. We were “officially” dating for one month before we got married–believe it or not.

—-Now, I am sure there is ALOT more that I have realize today, while reading the little bit I have but, this is a huge process to work through. In a way, it is my baggage that I am bringing to this relationship & I intend to get it all sorted out & air it all out there so that I know I am not hiding any of the important details.

But, for now–I would call that a night. There’s a lot to work on, think about, etc. & I still have a bunch to read from this first chapter. Excited to see if I grow from this whole experience or what happens.

What is a good book about marriage you would recommend? Were you engaged before? Married before?

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