With a new year and a birthday on the way, my brain always starts going crazy. I’ll be 23 this year and for some stupid reason, I have this habit of thinking that I should be better or more than I am. So, this year, I am going to work in finding/discovering myself, improving myself, and learning (once again) how to love myself.
I am going to start learning how to love who I am emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally–any way I can love myself, I am going to learn how to improve myself until I love that part of me.
It is said that…
You must first love yourself before you can love anyone else.
And I believe this to be true so, how can I expect my family to know I love them when I am not sure that I completely love myself. There are many things that I wish was different about myself but, isn’t of sitting here wishing, I am going to continue to work on it.
This year was one that brought anxiety and caused my nerves to fry just thinking about it. See, I had my oldest when I was 18. I meet my husband when I was 19 and we got married when I was 19, had our ceremony when I was 20. I was pregnant when I was 20, feeding our middle son at 21, and pregnant again at 21 and 22 years old. Here I am 22 years old, feeding our youngest–and on birth control. As our boys get older, I realize that I am not the mom I want to be but, more so, I don’t know who or what I am when I am not pregnant or feeding a child.
Sure, I am a homemaker so we do laundry, cook meals, shop for groceries, schedule appointments, pay bills, change diapers, clean bathrooms, etc. but, that’s not who I am. It’s what I do for those I love… Right?
We’ve all seen the meme about “what you’re really getting out of a wife is…” and it goes on to list things like maid, cook, etc. and say something about how you got a good deal. But, that’s not who mom’s are! That’s not what they want to be remembered for. Sure, if you’re a mom–stay at home or working–you do all these things but, that’s not who I am. My husband asked me Who I was 3 years ago on his birthday. Since then, it has haunted me. I’d like to say who I am but, I really don’t know. I mean, what truly makes up who we are?
Anyone? When you find out, let me know. Until then, I’ll be trying to figure it out.