Ranting Flashback

Tonight, I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across Dan Pearce‘s post titled The Older Unmarried Teenage Girl. It’s a beautiful written article and seriously hit home.

I’ve always felt like I was being judged my others because of mistakes I’ve made–not just the normal people judge you because they would do differently. People have seriously taken thing that have happened in my life and used them as “life lessons“. Oddly enough, this post makes me want to almost thank them because if they hadn’t been so inhumane or insensitive, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Here it is–based on my true story:

Once upon a time, there was a young teenager who was struggling to find herself. Just as the pieces seemed to finally be coming, everything would change in a few moments.

One night, as she was heading home with her two best friends, it all ended. In one night, her two best friends left this place we call Earth.

She was alone to face the world–to apologize for what had happened and try to make sense of it all.

Everything crumbled from that point on–weight gain, losing friends because she fell into a dark place, faking it all. Simply going through the motions of life–giving into anything and everything new that might just take the pain away and give her back her normal life. Sex was first–the unwanted experience. Laying there too scared to say no. Self-mutilation came next and spiraled out of control. Counseling came next and drinking. Yeah, she tried it ALL! After years of simple going through the motions– scratch that here is, plain and simple.

Thank you to the two pastors who showed me what true Christians are like. His wife and children who welcomed us with open arms and give me hope that I can find some day find a church like that here–in our new home state.

Thank you to the youth pastor who showed me what I didn’t want to be like–breaking my heart every night for a week because I wasn’t good enough for your son. When it reality, you weren’t good enough to become part of my family.

Thank you to the girls in 7th grade who teased me because my skin would show–just a little bit–because I was a tall, curvy, well endowed girl and they don’t make clothes for girls like me. 

Thank you to the girls at DQ who used to complain about being too big, when you were the size I was when I was too skinny. You all pushed me closer to several people who taught me to be comfortable with myself. I have been a size 0 to a size 15. I can be any size in between and bigger and I will simple to what I can for my body and learn how to dress whatever size I have.

Thank you to my best friends–the two that passed–and the ones that live on. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it this far. Many of you have held my hand while I threw up from drinking too much, texted me all night as I bawled into my pillow, let me stay at your house just so I wouldn’t have to go home–thank you friends.

Thank you to my oldest son’s “sperm donor” for showing me your true colors before it was too late. It scares me to think of what could have happened to him and me.

Thank you to my husband for loving me for all my flaws–for accepting all of my past and everything I dream of, for becoming the father that my son deserves–for being his dad and taking him in as your son. We would be miserable and sons/brother less without you.

Thank you to the youth pastor who took my life–the loss of my sister and best friend–and turned it into a “life lesson” the next week. As if being at church the next week wasn’t hard enough–you decided that you would share with the world that they passed and were hospitalized. That you never know how long have. I get it–it’s an important lesson but, next time, try to make it a little less personal or ASK.

Thank you to the youth pastor and pastor who took the fact that I got pregnant and used them as lessons at church. To the one who called my son a sin–he is more of a blessing to my world than you ever were. He isn’t the sin. Me ****ing someone outside of wedlock–that was sin. But, my son is not. So–get your bloody facts straight. Especially if yourself supposed to be teaching kids about God and Jesus. —To the pastor who choose to preach about teen sex and then call my mom and I out for walking out of the sermon because I had heard it all–be more sensitive.

 

I have heard it all people–young moms do. If your child makes it, your friends tell you that you’re no fun and don’t want to hang out with you. If your child passes, maybe it’s a blessing.

Try to be a real friend and just have their back, no matter what!

To the parents who say that miscarriages are blessings, don’t be so insensitive. Women are built with instincts. They connect to that lost babe. Be there for them. Don’t judge and belittle them! Chances are they already feel like they disappointed you. Losing a child only makes you feel like a failure more. Just be a parent–not another peer.

If you have rude comments, keep them to yourself. Think before you speak. I know that we are always told to speak our mind and say what we’re thinking but, come on people.

It’s like using, “that’s so gay” OR “so and so is retarded”.

 

Just bloody quit people. Or you’re gonna be one of the many who ends up going through the mind of someone like me when they are trying to learn a lesson from all the **** you put them through instead of simply saying, “bloody **** you, douchebag!”

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