For many years, I have had a hard time finding myself “self worth” at times. Some times I blame it on the man who was supposed to be my “dad” but, was only a “father”. He made me with my mom but, he definitely wasn’t a “dad” to me. Other times, I blame it on my years of self-mutilation coming back to try and haunt me.
Overall, I am trying to tell myself that it is this society–I was 13 years old when I had my first “job”. I was homeschooling and babysitting a 6 month old little girl. After that, it was the “normal” job of fast food. One to something else (retail), back to “fast food”, and then on to Customer Service. I have worked for a number of employers, bouncing back and forth.
As I am watching my currently job, of watching a little boy, coming to an end in a few months, freelancing taking an unexpected turn, and another business I was supposed to be “partnering” with go nowhere… It’s that time of the year again. Perhaps because of no sunshine. I am not sure.
Update: So, I started writing this post on the 4th–today is the 8th and I am starting to see the light again. I am looking into a couple other babysitting jobs, for a little bit, before we move.
I have found there are a lot of moms who need help and are willing to pay someone to help out and others who need people to walk their dogs, feed them, and give them clean water. Definitely not a shortage in any of those areas so, I am going to be looking into a couple different things that I can do after my babysitting job ends.