Ugh–this day has not gone as planned, but when do they ever as a mother of three boys, college student, and two part-time job worker. Right?
Well, today is my day/night off to have fun, kick back, and relax this week/weekend, but that didn’t really happen. The relaxing part did, as I did absolutely nothing today, except clean Breakfast Essential Chocolate Shake out of our carpet. I still have a bottle of the Perfectly Posh Bubble Bath (Thank you, little Z) to clean out of my bedroom carpet.
It was supposed to be a nice day/night with one of a handful of friends I know here. A day/night for drinks, social smoking (smelling more than anything), laughter, soul-filling conversations and joy. But, I spent the day waiting by the phone and computer to find out when I needed to go pick her up.
I know life happens, as much as the next person, but it was kind of soul crushing. I had friends here, it’s just hard to connect with their schedules and my schedule. Mr. has more of a social life than me–the anti-social person. Yeah, I had my own little pity party today.
I forced myself to keep my chin up and tell myself it was her loss. It was last minute. It didn’t really bug me. But, to be honest, it was my loss too. I missed out on some much needed time with a friend. It was last minute, but it got confirmed twice and then no word after that until it wasn’t going to happen. And it did bug me. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me or the first time for this person.
I think it’s time to try and make some more friends, push my way forward. I don’t know where and I don’t know when. Maybe the girl in the accounting department at the day job, maybe our old babysitter (who has a contagious personality), maybe I’ll find someone in classes next semester (this one is all online).
Regardless, know that if you have this feeling, you’re not alone. It’s actually pretty common. I started research it and trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why was I so upset about it. Eh–it’s okay to be upset about it. It was something that I was looking forward to all day and as time went on, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. It’s like waiting to find out if your favorite family member’s flight has left yet and you find out it got delayed or cancelled and they won’t be able to even come.
Yeah, she offered to hang out tomorrow, but it won’t be the same. I have homework due on Tuesday, the hubby is going out tomorrow with friends or bringing them over here for football, and I have to work tomorrow night, so no getting drunk. I know, that’s just something silly to be disappointed about.
It’s all for the best though. No money spent on 99 proof shots, hair dye, food, cigarettes, etc. No gas used or money spent on gas. No alcohol consumed.
Did you know that drinking alcohol can leave some people feeling like women do after they just gave birth (PPD)? When your depressed, it’s easy to want to drink your feelings away–trust me, right there with you. But, it can actually make things worse. If you do you continue looking into this, you’ll find some people believe that it separates you from your soul.
This “Nobody likes me” feeling, it’s common, but it’s not true. So, reach out to a friend, your loved one, someone, and connect to people. Make a plan to see people more, take Vitamin D, join a club, take a fitness class–find something to break the cycle.
If you get nothing out of this except, “I matter!” (and I am meaning you) that’s all I want. Say it to yourself. Change your habits, change the way you talk to yourself, find some new friends, get out there and connect–cause this feeling can either eat away at your soul or it can inspire you to change your habits and find ways to connect.
How do you make friends?
And on another note, because I spent all day catching up on TV shows, what are some of your favorites?
I am off to watch MacGyver, now that I am not throwing myself a pity party and got all that out. Happy weekend and go connect!
Fuck the friendless feeling!