Inadequate to Myself.

Image result for i am enough

I have to stop comparing.

I see people building businesses, going to school–following dreams and I feel like I need to do more.

But in reality, I am running on fuses most days, until I cuddle up next to my best friend every night.

Dealing with fleas, kids that hide homework, working odd jobs, and even though I can’t keep up, I feel as though it’s not enough and I need to try and do more.

Realizing that I am prioritizing what I need to. I quit my job in December because I was giving my all to work and had nothing to offer the boys or my marriage. I am doing what I need to to be home and suck up all the time I can with them–to keep them safe and fed.

It’s not what I had planned or where I thought I’d be, but I wouldn’t trade it.

Having Faith

2 days after Christmas, I had enough of my job and I quit.

I had taken our youngest in to Urgent Care and he had pneumonia. It has been sickness since I got back from vacation in September and I was already in trouble with attendance at work and didn’t want to deal with it any more. So, I pulled the plug.

I’ve been trekking along since, doing Uber Eats and Uber Rides to help make ends meet.

Part of me quitting was making myself push to have more faith in my Higher Power. I have always believe that He is there for me, but actually having faith–that was another story.

It’s been ups and downs, but my marriage is better and overall, life is smoother.

I’ve been the most blessed when I let everything go and just trust.

Examples include…

The boys and I out doing Uber Eats runs and trying to get the money Instant Transferred from Uber and the funds being put on hold. I had a negative balance in the bank account and now the money I needed was not accessible. I called Mr. to see if he had any ideas. Then I called my mom and my sister, bawling on the phone. I felt horrible and desperate and like a total loser. As I was on the phone, an older gentleman came over and asked if I needed help. I told him thank you, but no. I was getting it covered. I was on the phone when he came back and asked if I needed money or…? He said he was the owner of the building, the people just rent from him. I explained my money was on hold, paycheck comes in tomorrow, I was on the phone with family to get money for gas. I just need $5 in gas to get home.

He came back and said he paid for $10 and pumped it for me.

Another lady came over to see if we needed money. I told her no, but thank you. I get paid tomorrow. My money is just on hold and I just need to get home. The gentleman said he was getting us gas, she thanked him, and headed off.

Needless to say, I bawled some more. The owner told me not to cry, we’ve all been there. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Later that night, my friend/roomie brought home an assortment of Legos from work and gave them to us. Needless to say, the boys had a blast.


Earlier this week, I was doing my first day of Uber Rides. It was my last ride before going home. I picked her up a little ways from our house and drove her where she needed to go. She was talking the whole way and I loved it. She was super friendly and just so quirky–I couldn’t help but love her company.

As we were driving, she ended up offering me a job. I don’t know if it’ll go anywhere–I did call her on Monday and sent her my resume, but who knows if it’ll go anywhere. Even if it doesn’t, it was a memorable experience.

I just have to keep reminding myself to keep the faith. It’s not always easy and most weeks I have no idea how we’re going to make it until I sit down and write out the budget and oddly enough, we always seem to come up with enough money to keep going.

We haven’t cut the giving we do, our little give back to the world, and I don’t plan to. I feel that keeping them going is believing that we will make it, one way or another. 2018 will be the year for a wonderful marriage, a stronger faith, and a more beautiful life for my family. ❤

Image result for have faith