I set out this morning thinking I was going to write a book, but honestly, I don’t even know where to start–blogging is so much easier. Believe it or not, I didn’t think about how much work goes into writing a book–planning it out, researching, writing and rewriting.
I started researching it last night and when I started writing about my struggle with depression this morning. But, as I was writing, I realized that I am being much more critical of what I write than if I were to just pour it all out here, so maybe this isn’t my topic for a book. I don’t know yet, but I want the world to know that depression is not the stereotypical person you see on a TV show. I am going to try and do this in parts because my journey, what I have learned about it, what it’s really like–it’s a lot to take in, a lot to get out, and it’s not something you can sum up into 1,000 words or less.
I am more of a word vomit person than an edit, plan, and execute. I want it to be raw and real and I worry that if I make it a book, I won’t finish it or get the right message across. But, I also worry that if I do blog posts no one will want to read through all of them and I really want to make depression less of a stigma–I want it to be real and less alien to everyone.
I guess now is when I go back to my roots–pray for guidance and that whatever I am meant to share comes out, no matter where I share it.
Here we are–Monday morning. Sitting at the day job, watching a TV show because there’s nothing to do–not yet–but, I’ll find something soon.
I’ve been trying to do some work on my mental health and self growth. But, I hit this part in life where I realized I was trying to fit myself into this mold of what I thought I had to be and what companies I needed to be with. My friends are into makeup, weight loss, etc. But, you can’t market something that only half your heart is in.
Saturday night I had a few drinks and finally realized that I’ve been missing something in my soul–whether it’s sharing life here, being able to create, reading a book for self growth, or something else. So, I am going to attempt to reset my mindset as far as “what I need to be” and go after “what I want to be” and “what I want for my family”–like #futureboards tells you to do.
Goals for the future so far:
- Get my weight back under control. I still have 60 lbs from E that I need to lose at least some of it. My weight is an issue now that I had preeclampsia with E.
- February 2021–we’ll be out of the apartment we’re in. My goal is get find a house for my family to buy, but if nothing else, to find a rental house. With COVID, we need a yard for the boys–a way to get sunshine. Depression is real!
- Keep writing in my prayer journal–each one has been answered so far, but I wanted to keep at it. I am good at verbally praying with things are rough, but I want to keep doing it to improve my life and my family’s life and not wait until we hit rock bottom.
Good things are going to happen for my family. At the beginning of 2020 I told myself that I would make the best of this year regardless of COVID–so, I am gonna do it. Little by little, 2020 will still be a good year for my family and for any of my friends I can help.