The Story Begins

I started my first day on Thrive today. I am not sure what I think about it yet. The caffeine pills that you start with seem to be a little too strong for me. I have managed to wean myself off caffeine due to gall bladder issues that are caused by PCOS, so I am really unsure about taking them. I got the jitters a lot. I couldn’t make it more than three hours after breakfast this morning before needing to eat lunch and about five hours after that I had to eat dinner, so it’s going to be a challenge with the schedule I keep three days a week for work.

The upside to it though is that I got what could be one chapter written for my story. But, now my brain is running wild. My struggle with depression sort of starts back when I was 13 and struggled with self harming, but I wasn’t really depressed back then. I was just overwhelmed with feeling so much and feeling like I had no control over my life. So much happened so quickly I didn’t even have time to process and we didn’t talk about much growing up. So, now I don’t know if I should write my book in parts–self-harming, what I’ve learned about PCOS (depression, anxiety, gall bladder/grease issues, etc.), depression while pregnant and PPD. There’s so much I want to share and I feel like it would be easier to get it out there if it was in a book that people could recommend or actually put in someone’s hand rather than a blog. But, I am unsure, as usual.

I joined a few groups on how to write a book and I am hoping that over the next few weeks I can get a clear picture of what I want and how to tell my story because I really want to. I have so much in my heart and head that I just want out there. Things I want to say and share–healing that I know needs to happen. Writing it all out has been therapeutic. I helped me so much to know that I wasn’t alone when I was going through my struggles–I just want to do the same for others.

I was talking to a friend today and realized that part of me still wants to write a sort of f*ck you book about things you don’t say or do to people who are grieving. When I lost my sister I heard things and had things done that I don’t think I have actually forgive. I am not sure that it needs to be a book, but I am definitely thinking that a post is in order.

If I didn’t have to get up for the day job tomorrow, I could sit in this silence and try to let it all flow out of my mind and onto this screen. But, alas I must adult. Bills to pay and children to raise.¬†

Until tomorrow when I bear my soul again…

Starting my #futureboards

Drunken Truth | Words, Drinking quotes, Funny quotesHere we are–Monday morning. Sitting at the day job, watching a TV show because there’s nothing to do–not yet–but, I’ll find something soon.


I’ve been trying to do some work on my mental health and self growth. But, I hit this part in life where I realized I was trying to fit myself into this mold of what I thought I had to be and what companies I needed to be with. My friends are into makeup, weight loss, etc. But, you can’t market something that only half your heart is in.

Saturday night I had a few drinks and finally realized that I’ve been missing something in my soul–whether it’s sharing life here, being able to create, reading a book for self growth, or something else. So, I am going to attempt to reset my mindset as far as “what I need to be” and go after “what I want to be” and “what I want for my family”–like¬†#futureboards¬†tells you to do.

Pin on Quotes and ThoughtsGoals for the future so far:

  • Get my weight back under control. I still have 60 lbs from E that I need to lose at least some of it. My weight is an issue now that I had preeclampsia with E.
  • February 2021–we’ll be out of the apartment we’re in. My goal is get find a house for my family to buy, but if nothing else, to find a rental house. With COVID, we need a yard for the boys–a way to get sunshine. Depression is real!
  • Keep writing in my prayer journal–each one has been answered so far, but I wanted to keep at it. I am good at verbally praying with things are rough, but I want to keep doing it to improve my life and my family’s life and not wait until we hit rock bottom.

Good things are going to happen for my family. At the beginning of 2020 I told myself that I would make the best of this year regardless of COVID–so, I am gonna do it. Little by little, 2020 will still be a good year for my family and for any of my friends I can help.

Bad Things Happen Quotes. QuotesGram