Stuck in a Rut

I started watching Gossip Girl and although it showed me why I went to an alternative high school and skipped the college stage. Gossip Girl also showed me why I enjoy being a “nobody”. But, it hit a few other strings.

Watching Dan Humphrey write a book made me want to try my hand at writing again. I still remember the first story I began writing on a road trip and too this day it haunts me, as it could have become my life.

I would love to just write a book and write it all out, but I am not sure that I am meant for that. I enjoy my short snippets of “Hey. Here’s life. The End.”

I am realizing that I need more in life. I love being a mom, watching Netflix, hanging out with the boys all day, but a person can only take so much.

I mean, what is a girl to do? Sitting at home, watching children all day–I love staying home with the boys, but I told myself when I was 8-years-old that I would own a home and have tons of rooms for plenty of orphaned or fostered kids–years later and I am just as far from it as I ever was.

What do you do when dreams are so different? Children, school, work, friends, home… I would just love to feel like it is all amazing. I have had this empty feeling inside and I am still trying to figure out why.

I am married to a hard-working man with three beautiful children, yet some days, I have never felt more alone.

I need something to change–something amazing to happen. I need something to light me on fire.

Maybe it is time to go back to church and pray that I find it there. I just don’t know any more.