Since You’ve Been Gone…

It’s been 3.5 years… Almost 4. I feel like crap sometimes because it’s been so long and I’ve managed to make it this long. But, you know, I am come to realize that…

It’s not that it gets easier to deal with or you stop thinking about it, you just learn how to live with it.

Well, more later about this, I guess. I gotta get ready for work and I could use a smoke before. Plus, got the library and need to throw some food together for Landon.

Lacking

Have you ever wondered what you were lacking in your life? Well, now I am… Have you ever had that empty feeling? Have you ever felt like you were totally missing something? Missing something that puts that little spark in your life. Well, I am missing that right now. And I want it back. I don’t know if it’s cause I am sick. I don’t know if it’s cause I haven’t been to church in a while. I don’t know if it’s cause I am just so stretched out that I almost felt like my mom and I were rubbing each other the wrong way again today. I honestly, I don’t know.

I don’t know if it’s cause my mind is getting played with. I am getting all these lies told to me. I am getting all this drama brought into life. I feel like I have a lot to do… And some days, I just have to wonder if Landon would have been better with another family. He’s an amazing kid. I just feel like with me working and everything that I am taking away from him… I am don’t know.

Like I said this life… It’s just lacking. It’s exhausting and I wanna give up. Not give up living, don’t freaking out on me and think suicide, just because I’ve wanted to before, I mean just that… Give up. Not die or anything. Just give up and quit… Hobo or whatever you wanna call it. I am just tired and I don’t know how much more I can take. I am crying or anything, so don’t worry and start freaking on. Which, for one–is weird, two–makes me wonder if I am going numb… Sigh. I don’t know now.

Suggestions? Ha. I think I’ll just order that book Nick suggested a while ago. Maybe it’ll help.

Well, not much else to say… Just feeling numb, so I am gonna go take some cold medicine for my cold. And go sleep cause…

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Right?