Lazy Day

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Our little Z watching the Broncos game with me.

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How I spent half the day–the other half, I had the orange hat my mom made me over my crazy hair.

Well, today I started reading some more of Fit To Be Tied–now, call me crazy but, my hubby & I had a little bit of a disagreement earlier today and all I can think now so that–“Wow, Satan is really wanted to try and do some damage.” It always seems like the more I do to ensure we have a strong marriage, the more little things seem to come up.

Now, I will admit I was crabby because I am tired, sore, things I wanted to get done aren’t done, etc. So, none of this helped at all.

But, on to what I was realizing today–

1) Many times, I have put my husband and other things as the center of my life, instead of allowing God to bless my life and strengthen my relationship with my husband. I have always done this or that or even our kids as the center of our lives but, never really thought of putting God there.

2) I was engaged to 2 different people before God blessed me with my husband in my life. Now, the first person was because that was the first person to a) take interest in me b) tell me I was beautiful. But, it was long distance. There was a lot of lying, a lot of broken promises, a lack of trust, etc. It was just a bad relationship–don’t get me wrong, it was one that needed to happen to allow me to grow. But, it wasn’t the right one. It allowed me a good friend for a while & will always be thankful for that but, I can’t imagine what things would be like if I had gone a different route. The second… Well, as the book mentioned, it was pressure. See, as a teen, you see all your friends in relationships, getting ready to be married, etc. & you panic–ask yourself–

What the eff is wrong with me? Who is next? Why not me? Last girl loses, I don’t want to be a loser.

I caved to that pressure. I wanted out of my house (I thought my family hated me for the accident in which my baby sister was killed). I wanted someone’s family to love me. And after being rejected by many people, I was on the verge of, I’ll take whatever I can get-plus, I wanted someone who wouldn’t let my baby sister’s memory die. But, boy, was I wrong about that one too.

Part of the pressure came from Hallmark films. Other came from people assuming L needed a “dad” & not just a good role model.

It was not until I was completely okay with being single, being me, & having my son as the only man in my life, that I met my husband. We were “officially” dating for one month before we got married–believe it or not.

—-Now, I am sure there is ALOT more that I have realize today, while reading the little bit I have but, this is a huge process to work through. In a way, it is my baggage that I am bringing to this relationship & I intend to get it all sorted out & air it all out there so that I know I am not hiding any of the important details.

But, for now–I would call that a night. There’s a lot to work on, think about, etc. & I still have a bunch to read from this first chapter. Excited to see if I grow from this whole experience or what happens.

What is a good book about marriage you would recommend? Were you engaged before? Married before?

Week 3: 5 Years From Now

This evening, after reading a wonderful post last night, I sat down to read Fit to be Tied–two of my older sisters had read the book. Sister 3 let Sister 4 borrow it. Then, Sister 4 thought it was so good that she gave it to me to read and then give back to Sister 3. Well, I still have it but, Sister 3 & I are now roommates. (Funny enough.) I pulled it out this evening and began reading it. A lot of the stuff they mentioned really hit home–highs in marriage being high highs and lows being low lows. Well, that’s what we have but, our highs are getting higher and our lows aren’t so low and they definitely aren’t as frequent–like the people in the book. But, one thing they mentioned was that they had similar goals, beliefs, etc. So, with “Week 3: My Life 5 Years From Now” waiting for me & the similar goals in the book–an opportunity presented itself. So, here it is…

Mr. will you do something with me. Will you make a list of where you want to be in 5 years?

After some back and forth about if I wanted in-depth or not–which we finally agreed that I wanted really, really in-depth because of the details I wanted. But, we have similar goals! And I loved being able to see that. Below are our lists. Some are similar and others are things we agree on but, not what was on our mind at the time. So–here it is.

Mr’s List

  • 32 years old
  • Living in (blanked out) Area
  • Mortgage first home
  • Own 2 vehicles
  • Try (maybe once) for a girl (maybe)
  • Same company different title
  • Own a PS4
  • Still be married to (wife–he put my initials)
  • L adopted
  • See J on summers (he visits us)
  • Not so fat
  • Alive still

And now for my list…

Unsure’s List

  • 27 years old
  • Own/Paying off our house
  • Boys schooling
  • Me working from home (solid career path)
  • Mr. pursuing/already in high position IT job
  • Vacations each summer
  • Discussing a baby girl/foster/adoption
  • Playing Fantasy Football w/family
  • Able to give Mr. (and boys) his own “game/football room”
  • Owe a SUV/minivan
  • Degree in journalism
  • (blanked out) followers on (blank)
  • Has his & hers tattoos
  • Funny hair colors be back
  • Doing more DIY projects
  • Pinterest ideas complete

Our conversation for there lead to these conclusions:

  • We’re both over moving
  • We both want to be paying off/own our first home
  • Mr. will have a better higher up job (one that he definitely deserves)
  • If we’re going to have a baby girl, it’ll be before I am 30 years old, as I don’t want to be in my 30’s pushing out kiddos–call me selfish but, I don’t.
  • We both want to be able to have more than 1 car.
  • Mr. likes the idea of me working from home.
  • He liked the game/football room idea.
  • He will be getting a PS4 for our next anniversary–SURPRISE!
  • We are both excited to get L’s adoption papers in order soon
  • We would both like to loss some weight/get healthier
  • We are both determined to still be married to each other

And for now, that’s about it. There is Week 3, the beginning of Fit To Be Tied, and the uphill journey our marriage is taking. A beautiful sight in many ways to see. Now, it see how true this holds in the next for years. But, it will be revisited–next year, I believe that we will be mostly down with some of the things on our list. And I hope to write a new list, for the next 5 years.

And with that, I bid you all a good night–Z has declared a random fuss and I need to get cleaned up for tomorrow’s chores. Boys will be up early and I would like to be well rested. So, good night to all–& I wish you all a sunshine-filled & happy  Sunday tomorrow.