Re: 2013 Resolutions & Loser Ways

Today I am learning. God teaching me some hard lessons.

It’s really is true. God doesn’t put you through more than you can handle. At the end of last month, I took on two projects at my freelancing job. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. After several attempts to understand the formatting and finally understanding it (most of it) today but, still feeling very overwhelmed, my boss shot me an email thanking me for come on when I did but, asking if I needed to be doing other stuff because I was making little mistakes. However, some were mine—while others were not. But, I was given another chance. So, I have this next week to just keep going what I’ve been doing. I made myself a checklist today and I am going to hold myself to high standards (like I usually have) and prove that I can do it.

In a way, it was a blessing in disguise. I wanted to cry because I was feeling like a horrible loser not being able to do to everything I wanted and needed to do but, God has blessed me with an amazing husband to pull me back to reality. Someone to tell me they love me, that I am not a loser, and that I am over extending myself. I would drive myself to hell before I ever quit, if it wasn’t for this man.

At the time that this was all going on, I was behind on everything and overwhelmed. I have been able to eat, get boys in bed, and shuffle laundry. Ryan did a load of dishes for me and had Landon tidy up. I know I can do this now. I am done over extending myself–or at least going to try to be done. I know have my Sundays empty and I can enjoy football evenings a lot more now.

I may not always see God at work when things are perfect but, I am beginning to.

If you had asked me last year if I thought any of my dreams (or goals) would have been completed, I would have laughed and said no.

My 22 New Years Resolutions for my 22 years alive were written on December 31st of last year. They included
1) Find out what we are having
2) Downsize, ALOT!
3) Move to Seattle
4) Get out of debt/more financially stable
5) Have a healthy baby
6) Figure out if we’re gonna do home or public school
7) Take the kiddos to fun places (zoo, museums, etc.)
8) More date nights with my hubby
9) Get a stronger marriage & get to know my husband more
10) Find a hobby for myself, something that I will enjoy doing (massage school, arts & crafts, etc.)
11) Start saving for a house
12) Get back down to my pant size after I have baby
13) Enjoy my kiddos & hubby
14) Plan/take a vacation
15) Potty train Landon
16) Eat healthier
17) Get my family & I exercising more
18) Try a new dish once a month
19) Try some seafood & hopefully find at least one I like
20) Get tattoo (with my hubby/our tattoo)
21) Knit/crochet my first item (& finish it!!, key thing)
22) Meet my hubby’s side of family

We have completed more than I could have ever imagined:
1) We found out we were having another handsome boy.
2) We got rid of enough to get moved–twice in 2013.
3) Ta-da! We did it! Almost didn’t make it this year but, we did!!
4) By the end of the year, we will be current on ALL bills and paid off our couches.
5) We had Mr. Zyren.
6) Still leaning towards home schooling but, haven’t decided quite yet.
7) We went to the park ALOT more. Once Ryan’s shifts get switched to nights, I plan to take one day where we go have a fun adventure.
8) We have had more movie night, more cuddle nights, more Madden nights, & planning date nights.
9) I have learned a lot about him in the last few months and our marriage is stronger than ever!
10) I have found a hobby–blogging.
11) We will start saving in the next 5 years–although we got a new house twice so, that does count. ūüėČ
12) I’ve dropped weight!
13) I love time with my family so much! All the boys. They each have some unique activity that I love doing with each of them.
14) Planning a vacation for next year. Although, we did get some time off work when we first moved here.
15) Landon is totally potty trained!
16) We have started eating better. Salads, lots of water, apples, etc.
17) We walked this summer/fall.
18) I don’t know if I succeed with this goal but, it was fun to try.
19) Nope–not yet.
20) Soon–probably our anniversary next year.
21) I found my yarn this weekend.
22) I finally meet his mommy.

If you had asked me if I would have gotten all this done this year, I would have laughed and said, in my dreams. But, we’ve come so far and we’re only going to go farther!

Late Night What If’s…

Last night, as I was laying in bed, my head began to run towards what next… Not only with work but, I’ve been working hard on figuring on Week 4–my biggest weakness. Well, my head starting going to the what if’s…

Yes, I am guilty of the what if’s too—

  • What if I had married loser 2 or 3, yeah, NO!–dang drug addicts.
  • What if I had married loser 1…. Lying, manipulative, possessive, cheating… Need I go on. NO!

My what if’s continued until I was back to my crazy, I am super happy with my life self. I realized many things last night…

  • My husband has never done drugs so, I don’t have to worry about that.
  • He gave up his addiction for his family¬†almost a month ago and he has been so strong! We are doing so much better and he admits he has his hard days but, we got this!
  • He claims¬†my¬†son as his own–be may not be biologically his but, he is his father. “Anyone can make a child, it takes a real man to be a father.” My husband IS that real man! Unlike loser 1, he loves him for who he is and never once says, “I wish he was mine.” He is his & realizes that changing anything about him would not be okay.
  • He has never intentionally lied to me–loser 1 kept saying he was coming to see me, stood me up when we were “supposed” to have our first “date”–yay for long distance losers.
  • He loves our boys! He comes home every day and holds each one and tells them how much he has missed them and loves them.

There’s so much more I could go on about but, Z is not enjoying the bouncer plus, A & L still need breakfast. Yes, no breakfast yet, still in pajamas, and no idea what they are going to dress up as for Halloween since I didn’t go shopping last night and I don’t have a car now.

Still haven’t figured out which biggest weakness I care to share–flaws are so easy to see when they are your own… But, food–procrastinating again, UGH! Lame-O!