Lacking

Have you ever wondered what you were lacking in your life? Well, now I am… Have you ever had that empty feeling? Have you ever felt like you were totally missing something? Missing something that puts that little spark in your life. Well, I am missing that right now. And I want it back. I don’t know if it’s cause I am sick. I don’t know if it’s cause I haven’t been to church in a while. I don’t know if it’s cause I am just so stretched out that I almost felt like my mom and I were rubbing each other the wrong way again today. I honestly, I don’t know.

I don’t know if it’s cause my mind is getting played with. I am getting all these lies told to me. I am getting all this drama brought into life. I feel like I have a lot to do… And some days, I just have to wonder if Landon would have been better with another family. He’s an amazing kid. I just feel like with me working and everything that I am taking away from him… I am don’t know.

Like I said this life… It’s just lacking. It’s exhausting and I wanna give up. Not give up living, don’t freaking out on me and think suicide, just because I’ve wanted to before, I mean just that… Give up. Not die or anything. Just give up and quit… Hobo or whatever you wanna call it. I am just tired and I don’t know how much more I can take. I am crying or anything, so don’t worry and start freaking on. Which, for one–is weird, two–makes me wonder if I am going numb… Sigh. I don’t know now.

Suggestions? Ha. I think I’ll just order that book Nick suggested a while ago. Maybe it’ll help.

Well, not much else to say… Just feeling numb, so I am gonna go take some cold medicine for my cold. And go sleep cause…

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Right?