The Story Begins

I started my first day on Thrive today. I am not sure what I think about it yet. The caffeine pills that you start with seem to be a little too strong for me. I have managed to wean myself off caffeine due to gall bladder issues that are caused by PCOS, so I am really unsure about taking them. I got the jitters a lot. I couldn’t make it more than three hours after breakfast this morning before needing to eat lunch and about five hours after that I had to eat dinner, so it’s going to be a challenge with the schedule I keep three days a week for work.

The upside to it though is that I got what could be one chapter written for my story. But, now my brain is running wild. My struggle with depression sort of starts back when I was 13 and struggled with self harming, but I wasn’t really depressed back then. I was just overwhelmed with feeling so much and feeling like I had no control over my life. So much happened so quickly I didn’t even have time to process and we didn’t talk about much growing up. So, now I don’t know if I should write my book in parts–self-harming, what I’ve learned about PCOS (depression, anxiety, gall bladder/grease issues, etc.), depression while pregnant and PPD. There’s so much I want to share and I feel like it would be easier to get it out there if it was in a book that people could recommend or actually put in someone’s hand rather than a blog. But, I am unsure, as usual.

I joined a few groups on how to write a book and I am hoping that over the next few weeks I can get a clear picture of what I want and how to tell my story because I really want to. I have so much in my heart and head that I just want out there. Things I want to say and share–healing that I know needs to happen. Writing it all out has been therapeutic. I helped me so much to know that I wasn’t alone when I was going through my struggles–I just want to do the same for others.

I was talking to a friend today and realized that part of me still wants to write a sort of f*ck you book about things you don’t say or do to people who are grieving. When I lost my sister I heard things and had things done that I don’t think I have actually forgive. I am not sure that it needs to be a book, but I am definitely thinking that a post is in order.

If I didn’t have to get up for the day job tomorrow, I could sit in this silence and try to let it all flow out of my mind and onto this screen. But, alas I must adult. Bills to pay and children to raise. 

Until tomorrow when I bear my soul again…

Recognizing the Awesomeness!

Well, first off, I have to say Mr. wants a new nickname–something more romantic since he is Mr. here and on my phone. Although, here’s the real kicker, my name is (xxx)xxx-xxxx in his phone. Such a stinker. So, today will include renaming him and naming my sister’s, the boys, etc. for New Years.

Secondly, things Mr. says…

The only thing that could make boobs more attractive is if they could produce pizzas.

… came about after he totally misunderstood me and thought I said something about my boobs producing pizza–although, we had had pizza that night so, I made a smart @$$ comment about how they did since our 5 month old is breastfeeding…

Of course, as I am sitting here, finally ready to share the other things, my mind (as a mother) has thrown everything that hasn’t happened in the last 12-24 hours in the we don’t need to remember pile. Ugh!

… So, on to–Recognizing the Awesomeness!

My hubby works for a large IT company. He has been there for about a month. Every Friday (just found out yesterday) they have a meeting. Yesterday, their meeting included:

A list of who is on the phone when they are supposed to be. Well, unfortunately, their system sucks (luckily, they know this), it does not calculate emails into the list and it doesn’t calculate that call X should’ve take 5 minutes but, it took 30–why? So, Mr.’s call average is 4 minutes and he has been doing TONS of emails in between calls. It “appears” that he is only on the phone and working 23% of the time he is there, when the list is actually backwards and he is just so effective at his job, he should be top dog. Luckily, they know it is messed up and his boy realized that Mr. is hard working. Everyone that was hired with him, they are asking him for help! He has been there for A MONTH and they already have him training people!!!

His company was also talking about offering promotions after 3 months, along with raises. He gets trained on a big project, finally, next week. Bringing him 1 step closer to being able to work 4-10 hour days overnight. They are also talking about giving graveyard and overnight workers $2.00 pay increase for working those shifts.

I am so proud of him!! Mr. doesn’t realize how awesome he is but, sounds like his boss does and I know it! He even got his company to buy a new microwave just by mentioning how gross it was and asking about it being a health violation or safe.

He is amazing!! I can’t wait to see how far he gets in another month and by the time he is there for a year!! AAAAHHH!